A Cleveland woman was caught by her husband Tuesday morning sleeping with her iPhone. “I went to kiss her goodbye before leaving for work and noticed an object sticking out from underneath her pillow” Dr. P-Dawg stated. “It was her iPhone.”
When confronted, the woman, Rima Rama, 37, admitted she had fallen asleep waiting for new Facebook updates.
“My friends never update their status anymore. I refresh, like, every five minutes and I’m lucky to get some kind of lame YouTube link or Farmville update” a frustrated Mrs. Rama said. “But I have to keep checking, because the alternative is being alone with my thoughts.”
Dr. P-Dawg has advised his wife on numerous occasions to go offline at least an hour before bedtime to help avoid insomnia. “Here is a woman who depends on her white noise machine and Tylenol PM to fall asleep every night, yet she is up until the wee hours of the morning checking her Twitter stream with eyes bugged out in opposite directions.”
“I don’t want to miss any Shit My Dad Says,” Mrs. Rama confided. “Plus, my internet friends are like real people to me. I depend on them to tell me what I should think, feel, and buy.”
Dr. P-Dawg, who recently joined Twitter in a list ditch effort to communicate with his wife, stated that he’s had it up to here with this crap. He reportedly put the iPhone on top of the refrigerator where the diminutive Mrs. Rama could not reach it, but she quickly retrieved it by standing on a chair. “I’m addicted, not stupid,” she said.
An intervention is planned for sometime next week.
Please visit Rima Tessman’s personal site here.
I sleep with my phone every night (yes, I’m publicly admitting this). I have terrible sleep problems so I read off and on all night via the Kindle app on my phone. I’ve actually perfected the art of switching the hand that’s holding it as I roll over in my sleep so when I wake up, I’m still clutching it and it’s ready to turn on. It’s insane, I know. Fortunately I (usually) sleep alone so there’s no one there to look at me like I’m nuts in the morning. On the other hand, now all of the Internets knows about it now. Oops. :)
Update: This condition appears to be an epidemic. An Orange County woman who shall remain nameless was found this morning in bed with her iPhone and iPad. Her laptop was only inches away from her on her nightstand. Her husband apparently called 911 to report the problem and is quoted as saying “The electronics get more action than I do.” Investigators are looking into the possible connection between the case of Rima Rama and the OC woman. Both women are Lithuanian with a wide network of Lithuanian friends all over the world. The FBI believes this may be motive for the obsession with social media…Stay tuned for further details.
This just in. A third case has been confirmed also in Orange County. The CDC has been called to investigate the possibility of this spreading to other sectors of technology. So far the incidents have been limited to iPhones and iPads, but they will not rule out the possibility of desktops, PCs and even coffee pots being next. Film at 11.
So funny. SO FUNNY! Love it.
Andrea and Marcy – You guys are hilarious! I love it.
And Lisa, maybe we can find each other on Twitter sometime in the dead of night. Okay, that sounded creepy. But you know what I mean.
I’d love to have someone else to stalk… I mean, friend. @lisah :)
A Minneapolis woman was also reported by her spouse when she was heard talking in her sleep with her iPad clutched in her hands…”You’ll have to pry it from my cold dead hands first!” She was seen the next day picketing the local Verizon store because they don’t carry the iPhone. In an act of intervention, her husband threatened to replace her current phone with an ancient Razor. “Are you crazy, it doesn’t even have a full keyboard.” She can now be found Tweeting and checking Facebook, in her closet, while doing laundry and taking the dogs out. So far, he hasen’t caught on. :)
Here in Orland some chick was found sleeping with her mother’s borrowed Jitterbug. I don’t know any more, but Marcy probably does. It’s all very sordid and sad.
i was caressing the enter key while reading this. i think i need help.