At any children’s activity, one will always find them – those parents who get a little too excited or upset about what is occurring on the field. They are the ones to put make-up on their four or five-year-olds for various dance or cheerleading events. They are the ones to buy top-of-the-line sporting equipment for their child’s first season playing a sport, force their child to attend every between-season sporting camp and will often be seen on the sidelines belittling a coach and/or the referees on their inability to coach or referee a game. Who are they? They are the parents that live vicariously through their children, and their ability to ruin a sporting event knows no bounds.
I had the distinct pleasure of experiencing this first-hand with my son’s club soccer team this year. In fact, there were several parents of this nature on the team that made sitting on the sidelines a brutal affair. We had one family that told their child to ignore the coaches’ instructions during the game. He did just that, and his teammates’ frustrations were clearly visible to those of us sitting on the sidelines. We had another one that would encourage their child’s ranting and raving after each game, putting the blame for each loss on everyone but him rather than on the team as a whole. This particular child was eventually asked to leave the team because he had managed to antagonize every single one of his teammates. We also had parents belitting other players on the field, completely ignoring the fact that the other players’ parents were sitting within earshot. This resulted in several missed games by parents who were understandably upset by what was stated about their child. The coup-de-grace though was when we had these same parents, the ones who belittled and ignored the coaches, attempt to force the coach off the team…two games before the end of the season. All this for ten-year-old soccer.
I will never understand why parents are willing to go to such lengths to act like this even while they are spouting the positive effects of learning to play as a team. Do they not see their own actions as counterproductive to such positive effects? How can our children learn to play together and learn selflessness on the field when they are playing with teammates who are being taught the exact opposite by their parents? Does this mixed messaging do more harm than good?
Granted, this behavior has always been around, and I seriously doubt that my ranting here will change anything. I remember it when playing on sports teams while I was growing up, and I can clearly remember similar issues all those years my brother played baseball (he played through college). Yet, what purpose does this behavior serve other than to create an antagonistic relationship between child and parent? For, can a child ever live up to their parents’ expectations in these scenarios?
As sports gets more and more competitive at a younger and younger ages, I cannot help but believe we are creating a generation of children that are learning that they can bully, argue and ignore their way to success. If not that, then their inflated sense of their self-worth, as boosted by parental expectations, will run smack into the wall that is the workforce, leaving them completely incapable of coping with the real world. By trying to make our child the next great athlete, instead we are creating the next great bully. Even worse, we are creating a scenario where no matter what the child ends up doing, it will be a disappointment to the parents because it wasn’t what they envisioned on the sidelines years ago. It seems as if we are dooming our children to a lifetime of disappointments and misery, either through this misguided parental relationship or through the child’s own expectations for his or her future. How incredibly sad is it that in an effort to relive childhood dreams, parents are willing to doom their own child’s future?
I have children ranging from 29 down to 6, and I have witnessed this behavior the entire time. Sadly, in sports, it is an accepted norm. I firmly believe that unless parents are willing to confront other parents, coaches–anyone who is acting inappropriately in our children’s lives–nothing will change. Too often I see parents complaining about what is wrong without taking the actual bold steps, such as removing their children from teams in which the coaching (or sideline parenting) is out of control and detrimental. It is easy to rant on the sidelines, but far more difficult (and tedious) to call or write the sports organization involved. People say they will and then don’t. Perhaps we need a “Neighborhood Watch” program, but for sports–a plan that each and every parent and coach knows about in advance–a prescribed set of steps that will happen when someone is out of line: “This field protected by THE SPORTS WATCH PROGRAM-SO DON’T BE A JERK!” And if, for example, offending coaches and parents keep offending, then they will NOT be able to participate, period. We have come far enough that we do not accept physical abuse by parents and coaches, so why are we accepting verbal abuse?
This is all so true. I’ve seen parents act like such complete jerks at some of the games I’ve attended, and I cringe every time it happens. And the poor children stuck in the middle…
I agree with Britton. There should be rules of decorum for parents who attend games. You break the rules, you get ejected from the game. Let’s start a movement! Who’s with me?
Good Lord. This post touches on what most annoys me about team sports for kiddos: the parents. The red-faced overweight dad who never made it big and lives vicariously through his son, the over-primped, loud mouthed mom who thinks her child is the “next great thing” to happen in the pee wee athletic world……the list goes on and on and it makes me want to barf.
Ian is starting little league baseball in February and I can’t wait to watch him.
I just I wish all the other parents didn’t have to be there.
Wonderful Essay!
I remember those parents. My children are in their twenties now, but when they were playing sports the same types of problems existed. My feeling is that by always wanting their child to start, be the star, etc., they are keeping their children from learning to deal with disappointment as well as accepting responsibility when things don’t turn out the way we’d like. So much in life is a “team sport”, and kids need to learn how to be a part of a team.
Also, belittling the coaches always infuriated me. Most of them are volunteering their time. If those parents think they could do a better job then they should be coaching.
You are absolutely correct that it is up to us as parents to prevent this type of behavior from occurring on the sidelines. I like the idea of a Sports Watch Program. I think I will implement that on my son’s soccer team this spring!
I’m with you! Parents for more enjoyable sporting events, unite!
Thanks, Jo! After six years of kids’ sports, we’ve seen it all. We are often the parents sitting off to the side to avoid those parents you mentioned. Does it mean we are standoffish? Yes, but we aren’t there to become best friends with other parents. We are there to support our children first and foremost.
Good luck with baseball! It is so precious. Do not let the parents ruin it for you!
It was an extremely rough fall season with soccer because of just that. Sitting on the sidelines was brutal, listening to the parents complain about the kids, about the coaches, about the refs. It made going to the games agony, and we were the most divided group of parents I have ever seen. I think everyone, from parents to the kids, were happy to see the end of the season. We need to make sure that we don’t have that type of season ever again.
I agree with Britton; we should post signs at sporting fields about not being a jerk. People obey signs. While we’re at it, might as well draw up a handbook full of acceptable parent behavior, make them study the rules, give them a quiz, and IF they pass, they’ll get their “permit” to peacefully enjoy the games and practices with other “qualified” parents.
My 4-year-old had her first soccer experience this past fall. While my family and I were laughing our butts off as the kids aimlessly wandered completely off-field with the ball, other parents would express their disgust, yelling at the kids and grumbling with one another. The kids were 4 years old. Sheesh. One mom had a complete meltdown at the last game, shouting at her son across the field, “That’s IT!! I’VE HAD IT!! I’M DONE!!” then turning to her husband, in case he’d suddenly gone deaf, “That’s it. I’ve had it. I’m done.” Seriously. She obviously was illegally watching the game without a permit.
Let’s become “Sports Watch Officers!” Our goal: decency on the field, and accountability for those who refuse to honor that which should be a given. As “SPO’s” we will not be afraid to confront, letter-write, post decency signs, and lead by example. Repeat offenders will no longer find their behavior tolerated by the brave parent-warriors of the SPO! Unite!
oops…should have been: by the brave parent-warrior of the SWP! (Sports Watch Program). I got carried away with my own acronym. lol! Which means we are “SWPO’s” (Sports Watch Program Officers). I really need to edit myself more stringently!!
She’s done and her child is four? She’s in for a LONG next fourteen years. Four-year-old soccer is meant for laughing at how seriously cute it is. It is so unfortunate that other parents can’t realize that.
I do like the idea of requiring permits. I wonder if I can implement that before this week’s indoor soccer game.
Here, here! I will start that this week, as we are in the middle of the indoor soccer season!!
SWPOs UNITE!!
I do that frequently. Non-editing is seriously okay.
The secrets of why News and why it means a lot.
What i’m thus , very happy want. Definitely distinctive line of instruct that’s gifted do that your existing pet falsehoods that’s usually to that the second internet websites. Truly appreciate that expression that the following biggest file.