Childhood trauma left me with feelings of fear, guilt, anger, bitterness and hate. I had no one to trust; no one to talk to and no one who cared. No, this is not a pity party. It’s just the facts.

When I was a little girl, I always had the feeling that I was never good enough to be around other children. I could never measure up to what other’s expected of me. I felt so alone and very sad.

I had no recollection of the abuse I had suffered and it wasn’t until I was in my late 40s that I did remember and I crumbled into a little ball of indescribable pain. I couldn’t believe what I was remembering. Shadows here, pain there, I believed that I would never, ever be the same again.

Fear was the biggest thing for me. I never knew who might walk up from behind me and hurt me. For many years, I couldn’t or wouldn’t recognize the anger that was buried deeply in my soul. I couldn’t see a reason to be angry when the subjects involved were dead and I couldn’t confront them. Still, the anger was waiting to be released. I was afraid that if I let the anger express itself that I would lose control and do something I would regret. The anger just laid there eating me up and I didn’t know what to do with it.

The emotional pain was something I felt and it was deadly to me and my emotional well-being. I could not dig out from under it. It settled in my stomach like a big glob of Jello. Always jiggling around, sweeping up and down. Uncontrollable pain and despair. Something was missing from my life. There was a big hole that nothing could fill. Sometimes the depression moved in and out creating chaos in my life. I began hurting myself in order to feel something even if it was painful.

It was only when I finally felt it was safe enough to express the feelings of anger, abandonment, pain, and bitterness that I began to heal. I then consulted a therapist and then found a psychiatrist and got the help I needed.

I had a lot of therapy and medication before I felt like living again. I was diagnosed with a bipolar disorder and it took time to find the right combination of medications to bring me out of desperate depression.

My therapist introduced me to a healing method called “Tapping.” Tapping relates to the meridians in my (or your) body such as acupuncture points. The amazing thing about this method is that it heals the emotions of the trauma even though I could remember the abuse. The feelings of trauma went away.

If you are interested in learning more about this method of healing, you may Google “EFT” or Emotional Freedom Techniques. There you will find information to help yourself and/or with the guidance of a therapist that does this kind of treatment.

Also, you may contact me personally and I will share with you what tapping has done for me. There are many methods of healing and I have had the best results through tapping.