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Everything old is….. well, still old but my kids think it is new.

Recently my kids came home more than a little excited after visiting a garage sale up the street. They had brought their own money and I expected them to come home with a bucket of golf balls or maybe an old comic book. But instead they combined their money and purchased a radio. Not a cd player. Or even a boom box. But a transistor radio from 1972 that only has AM channels. Do you even remember when AM was our only option for radio? I don’t remember that, and I am pretty old. But my kids hurried to find a 9 volt battery to see if their 50 cent investment still worked. I heard cheers of joy when the first scratchy sounds came thru. From that day forward they have carried their AM radio to the backyard, to their room and is currently being listened to while one of them is in the bath. If I didn’t know any better you would think my kids were living in some bio-dome of tech advancement depravity, and not the children of tech gadget junkie who has provided each of them with iPods, iTouchs, cellphones, playstations, Wii, satellite car stereo and any other electronic toy for their enjoyment. So I laughed at their love of the little AM radio, which is incidentally shaped to resemble a police siren. As I our last summer days were being played out to the soundtrack of AM sport channels and numerous Mexican polka tunes, I was sure this new love of all things old would be over soon.

Until today. Today they again pooled their money they earned helping their grandma around her house and purchased an ancient Nintendo Entertainment System  (Or a ‘NES’ if you are trying to be cool) from a friend with an older brother who helped a neighbor clean out their garage. This is the NES with the graphics that are only one generation away from the elementary TV arcade game of Pong; more implied one-dimensional figures then actual graphics. And games with accompany music and sound effects that make them seem like they were generated using a  telephone keypad. So they are sitting in front of our 60” plasma High Definition television playing a game that requires CORDS to the controllers. Which requires them to sit in the middle of the room and look up at the TV screen as if they came late to the movie and were forced to sit in the front row. But they laugh and giggle and are generally excited to play the original Mario Brothers ‘from the olden days’. I beg them to turn the volume down so I don’t go insane from the incessant ‘music’ and they beg me to have a turn at the controls.

They are shocked to know that I never owned a NES. We had Pong. But then I grew up and totally missed the whole NES thing. So when I fail miserably at the games they ask me about the video games of my childhood. And I get the opportunity to explain to them we played arcade games up at the local market. One quarter a turn for Galaxy or PacMan. They ask me about my high score and I remember I always preferred to play the old neglected pinball machines instead. Which lights up their faces, as they say ‘see you liked the old stuff too’. And I did, leaving the new fancy arcade games for my older brother to master. Pinball was simple and  uncomplicated. Which I guess the same thing can be said about my boys old NES machine. In that moment it occurs to me, maybe that was what they were after….is simplicity. Could it possibly be that for all the life-like graphics,multilevel plot lines and variegating fight sequences found in the new video games are leaving kids more stressed and overwhelmed than relaxed and happy when they play? Maybe new isn’t better to them. Maybe old, simple and basic are all they need to have a good time.

We have come to a new understanding and I have agreed to stop teasing them about their latest purchase, and they have agreed to stop teasing me about my low score on Mario Brothers. Of course I may have also agreed to buy an old Pong game on eBay. After all, I need to beat them at something.

You can read more Marcy on her personal site  here.

Feel the burn.

Burnout. You hear that term all the time. Thrown around with the casualty of an old sweater, perhaps used to explain a co-workers sudden resignation or a favorite website shutting down. It needs little  explanation. Gossip seekers ask ‘what happened?’ to which you  reply that single word, that conveys the entire back story. A story we all understand and can fully appreciate. You say “Burnout”. Heads nod and you hear ‘oh yeah of course’ from the peanut gallery. No more details requested.

I am personally fascinated by those who burnout. I work hard at what I do, and while I have most certainly have felt the BURN I have never, not once wanted totally OUT. I wonder then if those among us who quit their jobs at the law firm, shut down their websites or even take off for the Bahama’s without telling a soul are really just walking away from something their heart wasn’t into in the first place. Perhaps they got into it, thinking they could handle what was required to make it a success only to decide that they were not passionate enough to make it happen. When you have no passion for what you are doing, then each effort, chore and element becomes another trying expense of energy. Like climbing a never-ending staircase; it is hard and it will wear you out unless you simple love the climb itself.

Secretly, when I hear of others who ‘burnout’, I smile. I do not waste one moment of sympathy on their mental explosion and exhaustion. I am happy they can now go find the thing that they love enough to never even consider giving up. They are free now to find the job or hobby that they can fully connect to on a level that transcends the concept of ‘burning out’. They will find their passion and love that will burn so bright, that it can not be extinguished. Not by endless hours of effort or discouraging results. They will press on just for the love of PRESSING ON. Sometimes buring out is less about giving up, than it is about GIVING IN. Just finally coming to terms with the fact that you are not enjoying the climb.  Of course competitively I also smile when I hear of a case of burnout, because it helps to reinforce my own personal resolve to continue on. To continue taking step after step up that never-ending staircase. Never once thinking I will reach the top ….but still knowing that with every step I have continued my path and have continued to push forward. For me it is not about reaching the summit, but it is about knowing I am one step higher each and everyday I move forward. Forward towards goals that are fantastical and ridiculous to some, and equally impossible and improbable to others.

But I am okay with those odds. Because I am just as happy climbing those exhaustive stairs as I am reaching the top.

Maybe even more.

Stop calling me names.

A note to the news people and clearly childless journalists of the world:
I do not like the term “Stay At Home Mom” (SAHM). Even though I do not get paid for my ‘work’- I am rarely at home. I am volunteering at the kids school, planning school parties, assisting on field trips, taking kids and their friends to baseball practice and all the rest. I also do not like “Full Time Mom”…um, hello… from the day you give birth you are a “full time mom”…is there anyway to be a ‘part-time mom’? If so, and it comes with health insurance it might be a good gig for me. Some days all moms wish we could do it ‘part time’ and just let the next shift clean up the vomit/diaper/dishes-but as far as I know there is no kid-share program in my county. I also find the term ‘Housewife’ objectionable. Am I married to the house? Am I the wife of the house? If so then I think I have the right to tell the ‘house’ to start picking up after itself. And then there is the IRS form favorite “homemaker”. It implies I actually make the home from the ground up. I am not Mrs. Pulte…I do not make homes. And don’t get me started on the term ‘soccer mom’. I don’t know how, but that term has such negative connotations…implying mini-vans, mom-sweats attire and caddy gossip sessions.
So then what terms work for me? Which ones do I actually I prefer? Well, I am loving a new one SWAT (Smart Women with Available Time) to replace the afore mentioned SAHM. And as for the IRS…I am going to stick with the classic ‘Domestic Manager’. Of course I am a member of the M.O.B. (mother of boys) as well as a member of the MOMfia.

And as for my kids? Well, they have called me The Queen Almighty on occasion….but I am just happy when they call me Mom. Unless it is more like MAAAAoooooOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!! Then I pretend I don’t hear them…because it either means they broke something or somebody hit someone somewhere and I am too busy ‘making’ my home and being married to the house to care.

Welcome to Catalogland. Now go change your shirt to match the sofa.

Everywhere I look I can see a little stack of catalogs in my home. In the family room, the office, the bedroom and yes, the bathroom. Stacks of catalogs for brands and products that vary from craft kits to high-end (read: who the heck can afford this?) poolside furniture. I receive them in the mail nearly everyday. And with their arrival I smile a little inside. I get a sense of excitement about what lies inside their covers. I can not wait to dream over the insanely perfected scenes of home life that real people (people who do not live in catalog-land) can only yearn to achieve, like children’s bedrooms with beds made in coordinated themes right down to the toys on the floor.

Sometimes I stop and wonder if any mom out there takes these aspirations all a little too far. I can see the young type-a wife, ordering every product in the photo spread to create the perfect truck-themed room for her toddler, saying “no Robby you can only play with TRUCK toys in your truck room. Robots are for enjoying in the robot themed playroom.”

Clearly catalog spreads are meant to entice us with perfection, and help us to believe if we order that coffee table, that bra or that remote controlled floating pool radio… everything will be perfect. As the packages appear on our doorsteps we imagine our homes and lives transformed with their arrival. We open them, sift through the peanut packing and bubble wrap and for a moment we are transported to the world with out carpet stains, dirty dishes and kids yelling ‘Mom he hit me!’. For a moment we are relaxing in our French country sitting room reading classic literature while the attentive and handsome husband is off on a bike ride with the children. All children you sent off in coordinated outfits and smiles on their faces. Smiles that have no traces of breakfast and shirts that show no history of their older-sibling-hand-me-down past.

Catalogs serve an important purpose for many of us. They allow our impractical dreams to be tangibly realized, even if only on the pages of these mini sales books. When I sit down to look at my catalogs I imagine stepping into the pages and becoming a skinny mom and wearing a $300 bikini in my beach cottage as I arrange my collection of beach glass and sand shells in my vintage mercury glass bowl, I can feel the comfort of a $200 gel mat beneath my feet as I stand near my copper farm sink in my newly renovated barn home in Aspen. Catalogs also help me realize talents I never before wished I had. As I crack open the pages I suddenly have desires to become an avid gardener, if only to order things like $65 hose guards and $150 bird condos. I yearn to make chef like quality meals in pots and pans  that cost more than my first car, all to be served in hand crafted, hand painted- hand everything artisan plates.

Certainly catalogs are the embodiment of our dreams, goals and aspirations. A place to show the ideal, the perfected and the promise of a life well lived. With each gloriously photographed product or room, we reach for our Visa hoping it will bring us one step closer to this far away world called CatalogLand. A land where your visiting neighbor’s outfit coordinates with the new sofa, where children’s toys and chalkboards are placed artfully through out the family room and a world where it all looks good enough to eat. Like a magical little land of wonder that shows us, with every page what our lives could be and all too often what they are not.

Despite my love of catalogs, I have decided to put myself on the ‘do not fly’ list to CatalogLand. I have decided this yearning and dreaming to own a reality other than the one I live is no longer productive or healthy for me. Instead of wishing my time away, dreaming about what could have been or still could be, I have decided to focus on  embracing the rooms I walk everyday. I want to learn to love my world- with it’s imperfections and flaws and stains and all. After all, this is my life. It is a messy un-color-coordinated life full of crooked artwork, broken shower doors and mismatched everything in all its hand-me-down glory. So its not CatalogLand, but that is okay. It is My Land. And I don’t have to buy a thing to love it.

For the love of cars.

There is a stretch of Katella Blvd. that swoops down under an overpass that I my dad would smile and say “we used to race our cars here.” Of course there was also the 55 freeway Chapman Street off-ramp loop that he would say the same thing and yet another on old Santiago Canyon road. By the sound of things Dad was racing his custom souped up hot rod everywhere around Orange County as a teenager in the early 60’s. I like to think of him, with his classic good-looks, smirky smile and sparkling eyes revving his cousin’s converted Model T or his prized 58 Chevy past the endless Orange Groves and freshly built housing tracts. His Orange County was a playground; A wild patchwork of orchards, packing houses and a growing obsession with our cars. Luckily for him, he was almost always ‘the guy with the cool car’.

His passion for cars never waned, and grew more robust living his entire life in the flourishing car loving culture of Orange County. The year is 1975, and I am playing in the back seat, sans seat belt, of our 69 Camero as we cruised down the 91 freeway. “That is a 54”  or “that’s a 48 Baker” he would say referring to older cars sharing the road with us. “How can you tell Dad?” I always asked. “Well the taillights are rounder in on the 55. And see that bumper? Well that was only available on the 54 deluxe models.” Naturally, I marveled at his genius. Clearly he was the smartest man on earth.

It was no surprise then, at the age of 16 my dad bought me a mint condition 1956 Chevy. It was not exactly like his 58, but close enough. And I instantly I became ‘the girl with the cool car’.  I was the girl who could fit 5 teenagers across the bench seat in the back and another 4 in front. That car took friends from parties and football games to off campus lunches and beach trips. As an added bonus, my Dad and I would spend time together working on my Chevy. Taking pieces off to have them re-chromed or installing the new carburetor I asked for that Christmas. That car was at once a connection to my dad’s past youth and my current youth that I was busy living to the fullest.

One day, as we finished working on the engine he said we needed to test drive, so I handed him the keys. But he threw them back to me and said ‘Your car. You drive’. I was nervous and flattered but soon we were cruising down the road. Before long I realized he had directed me to one of his old ‘racing streets’. A street with minimal traffic and no stop signs or traffic lights. He turned down the radio and asked me to pull over. I already knew why. I slid over the passenger seat as he got out and got into the driver side. He started off slow  and then said “Let’s punch it” and then without warning we shot off like a rocket. He was smiling from ear to ear and I could so clearly imagine him, 18yrs old racing these same streets and slowing to offer pretty girls (like my mother) rides to school.

Today Southern California car love is no less prevalent than it was when my dad was a teen.  In the land before AAA roadside assistance and free maintenance plans from dealers, car buffs could change their own oil and do small engine repairs as needed. Which most certainly created a more intimate relationship with their vehicles.  Now as I drive the kids to and from baseball practice and school dances in my requisite OC mom vehicle (the glorious black SUV)  I still like to think about my old Chevy. It was long ago sold to accommodate things like gas mileage and  tiny underground parking lots. Like most of us, I traded up the car ladder every few years. Each car getting more practical and expected.  And with every new purchase, after the papers were signed and the keys handed over as I would be driving home from the dealer,  I would take the new car to the little empty road my dad showed me. I wait for just the right moment and then I punch it. And I smile.

I am going to be a ‘first person’

I am realizing the importance of being the first. Not the first like winning a race or the being the first in a little league championship, but more like being the first person to do something.

Recently while walking thru a modern art museum, one of my kids said, while pointing to a graphic square of yellow on a white canvas ‘hey, I could totally do that!’ and I had to give a little art lesson, in my best museum hushed civilized parent voice about how some art is considered great because it was THE FIRST to be done in a particular manner.  We talked about Warhol and Picasso and all the rest….and I emphasized that these works are not necessary revered for the skill it took to create them, but rather the creativity that motivated the artist to create them in the first place.

(BTW this fits nicely with my Dooce theory as well. That she is popular not based on quality content, but on the fact that she was one of the first female bloggers…but I digress.)

In the last 2 years I have sat by as I watched several of my ideas and plans, have been  stolen away from me.  Maybe it was something I might have mentioned that I was going to do/create/plan to a new friend at a blog conference or even ideas chatted over cocktails with fellow blogging/media friends. Ideas that the other individuals took and ran with, and didn’t look back. And in another case, I watched as someone ran with an idea that I had not even vocalized yet- but I had thought about it, and built a proposal plan for….but, and this is the important part, but I DIDN’T ACT ON IT FAST ENOUGH. (That is one I may never get over. Because really- what the hell was I waiting for?)

So why this photo for this post?

Well, every time I see these shelves at Urban Outfitters I wonder about the crazy person who walked out of a thrift shop with armfuls of  25cent figurines, clocks and ashtrays , with the intention of recreating them for the 20 something crowd to decorate their dorm rooms and Ikea laden apartments. All for huge profits. I think about that crazy person. And I think…WHAT A GENIUS. Not because he thought of it. But because he had the nerve to actually DO IT.

And so now, I am committing to acting on my ideas.

Here is to 2010 bringing new site concepts, iPhone apps, and publishing of my books. And you know what else I am committed too? Keeping my mouth shut. I gotta stop telling everyone my plans I guess. Even people I thought would never steal from me- well, they did. With a smile on their face. Next time someone says, “don’t worry I got your back”. I will know that they mean “so I can stab you  in it.”

Oh and when I finished my little speech to my kids that day in the museum, they just looked up and asked when we were going to lunch. I am starting to think the speech did more good for me than them. I really need to listen to myself more often I think.

Work in progress….

 

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